What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

What! how could you do that?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Why is it important for Hollywood celebrities to come out against Trump?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

What do you mean son?

Why does my vagina smell sort of fishy/musty days after sex when my boyfriend ejaculates in me? There isn’t any itching or burning when urinating, so I don't think I have BV. It just doesn't smell like me.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Do you know what she said mum?

Are democrats eating crow?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

How can you maintain self-control?

True - how I loved my mum!

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Why would my ex block me after I blocked him?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”